You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
