I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
