Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
