Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
