I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
