My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
