the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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