He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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