Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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