So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
