You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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