One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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