i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
