I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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