He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
