Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
