Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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