We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
