looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
