just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
