by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
