They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
