I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
