My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
They are going to name an STD after you.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
