I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my shit smells like andre
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
