I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
