I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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