you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
