I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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