At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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