i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
A+ Viking dick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
