you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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