just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
