you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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