i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
