well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The beer is more important than you right now.
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he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
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I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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