Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
