Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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