I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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