are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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