Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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