I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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