HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
