uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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