Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
