Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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