I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
