somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
