Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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