Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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