she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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