Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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