So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
