I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
