Got a toothbrush?
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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