I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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