I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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