OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
