Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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