I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
