guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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